I was 43 years old, with four children, ages 8, 10, 12, and 14. I was teaching Middle School. I was a Brownie Leader; I taught Vacation Bible School, got my kids to church, sports, dance, and scouting activities. “Busy” is an understatement. Imagine how it felt when my spouse suddenly announced he did not wish to be married any longer.
Couples counseling, family counseling, divorce attorney, divorce recovery therapy, and then? I was on my own.
For five years I just focused on my teaching, my kids, and my volunteer work. One day, the guidance counselor at school asked me to speak to a colleague whose husband had abruptly left her. She thought I could offer insight and hope. I soon discovered that many middle-aged women get divorced! We formed a club and called ourselves the “First Wives Club.” We had dinners together, went to the theatre, and, generally, supported each other through life. Then, one of our more daring members started dating.
She was our hero. I could not even imagine dating. I had married the guy I had met in my sophomore year in college, so I had not dated since I was 19! What a scary world out there. From my time in group therapy for divorce recovery, I learned that dating was quite different than before. I did not even have a clue HOW to date. My teenage son gave me a book “Dating for Dummies.”
My head was full of “what ifs?” “What if he thinks I am too fat? Too old? I have too many kids?” “What if he expects me to be intimate?” “What if he’s a stalker?” I had an endless list of scary thoughts.
My wise friend stopped me: “Susan, a cup of coffee is a cup of coffee. You don’t divulge all your information. Meet somewhere for coffee. If he’s a nice guy, that cup of coffee conversation can last a couple of hours. If he’s weird, you just thank him and leave. It is not a big deal.”
So, I created a profile. I joined eHarmony and Match.com. This was 2005. I made sure I posted realistic photos – because I wanted to be rejected before I met them! I had zero confidence. In my profile, I made sure to include my church activities and I mentioned loving God frequently! I met nice men and a few quirky men. I had ten “first dates.” Nice guys but not matches. I concluded that all the truly great guys were either married or gay.
Over summer break, I took two of my kids and my two nieces on a trip to Europe. While riding a train, my then 18-year-old niece was fascinated with my dating life. “Oh Aunt Sue, tell me more!” As I was regaling her with my amusing tales of the more interesting guys, I heard a strong voice in my head, asking me, “Why are you doing this on your own?”
It hit me. Here I am teaching students and my own kids how to trust God, but here I was thinking I needed to figure out dating all by myself. Why hadn’t I even asked God if this was what HE wanted? Talk about an “AHA” moment!
I sat quietly on the train and prayed, “Dear God, if it is your will that I meet someone, please send me someone that will help me become closer to the version of myself that YOU want.”
I got home from the trip to find an email through Match waiting for me. It was from a man named Stephen, who lived 50 miles away, and there was NO picture. BUT! I read what he wrote- he had clearly read my profile in detail – so this told me he paid attention. His words were wonderful. He was kind, witty, literate, and a believer! I thought perhaps he was too far away, but maybe he would be a good friend. I also thought he might just be too good to be true. How come he didn’t already have a girlfriend?
We communicated over email and later the phone for three months before meeting in person. When we finally met, it was incredible. We had already covered several deep topics on the phone and we had lots in common.
The books tell you to avoid four topics on a first date: religion, politics, sex, and your ex. We covered all four!
We are now happily married, and Stephen introduced me to Bridgeway, which I am happy to call my church home. October 29, 2025, will mark 20 years of us being together. We still have not run out of things to talk about. Our household is filled with laughter! I learned later that Stephen had been praying for ways to be closer to God, and both of our prayers were answered.
I simply needed to lean not on my own understanding, but to turn to God and ask him to choose someone who would be right for me, and I am so very grateful.
I never imagined I would find this kind of happiness. It’s further evidence that God always knows what’s best for us.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Please consider joining one of the following support groups if you would like someone to walk alongside you in this season of life: